Are you frustrated because you’re not accomplishing anything? Or maybe you can’t shake a personal bad habit. Maybe your employees are not responding to your infinite wisdom the way you would like them to. You keep asking yourself, “what is wrong with these people?” but maybe the right question is “what’s wrong with me?”
If you’re ready for the feedback, and I mean, really, really ready, as in I have steeled my heart to handle anything and I am intellectually readied for whatever I hear, then go ahead and ask. What? No – don’t ask me, ask your FRIENDS. And your FAMILY. These are the people who truly know you, understand you, and yes – they still love you despite that lapse in judgment a few years back. And that book you never returned. Whatever – these are the people who can actually give you viable feedback on a subject they are expert in – you. Why pay a therapist or a career counselor when you have all of the data and resources available for free? Well, maybe not entirely free. It may cost you a cup of coffee. Or lunch. Or maybe a few drinks for someone to get the nerve up to tell you what they really think, because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. Regardless, if you really want to know how you can improve both personally and professionally, ask your own personal panel of experts. They know your habits. They know what irritates them. (Maybe the same things that cause your employees to react in certain ways?) They know your strengths. They know your triggers, and they know things about you that you may not even realize about yourself because they have observed you in all situations.
We, as humans, tend to have a one sided view of ourselves. We don’t often solicit feedback from those that are the closest to us. Sure, most of us have been through a 360 review at work, but if you work for a small company, and sometimes even larger companies, people are not entirely honest for fear of the ramifications if a certain manager or co-worker were to find out what he/she really thinks about them. Asking your friends and family is safe. They already know about all of the bad stuff and they still like you. Most of them even love you! But you might not like what you hear, so be fully prepared. Also, it’s a good idea to decide in advance if they would like the same feedback from you. You may get defensive and spout off something that annoys you about them, when they were not asking, and they were not prepared to hear something that could be hurtful.
Before jumping into this adventure, decide if you want the feedback to be conversational, or if you would like the feedback to be more interview-like – with a set of questions that require specific answers, not anecdotal. You have to decide which format works best for you, your friends, and your family members who are willing to help you with your personal improvement quest.
I would also advise that once this process is complete and you have received the feedback from everyone that you make a list and look for the traits/qualities that more than one person mentioned. Start with these. Next, decide which of the traits you would like to focus on changing, strengthening, or improving would most positively affect the outcome you are looking for. Do not tackle everything at once. Start with one or two. Decide how you are going to make the change(s), then put them into action! To take this exercise full circle, request meetings with these same friends and family members in three months to discuss your progress and share stories of what you tried and the outcomes. Don’t forget to laugh. And thank them for helping you realize your full potential.
Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens. – Epictetus
